Sometimes, as an adult with ADD, it’s really easy too see what is happening (or what happened) in your brain. Often, I’ll sit down and start working on something and then think of something else, usually somewhat related to what I’m working on, that I could also be doing, or doing instead. Next thing you know, I’m down a rabbit hole of a side project I never meant to start on.
For example, this post was delayed by over 45 minutes as I arrived on the page to write an article and was notified that there was a Genesis (WordPress theme) upgrade available. Well, of course, we want to upgrade. It will only take a second. You know, I don’t know if this theme is really best for this blog anymore. I should look at some others. While I’m at it, I need to switch around some of the Google Analytics code, oh, and I …
You get the idea. That’s basic distraction, the bread and butter of life with ADD and the ADHD brain.
Can’t Get Going
But, other times, I just can’t understand what is going on.
This morning, I’ve burned over an hour sitting at my desk accomplishing nothing. I’ve read a ton of news, and I’ve tweeted, and I’ve checked email, I played with an election map, but nothing that I actually needed to do.
This happens to everyone of course. And, really when it happens regarding work, tasks you don’t want to do, or even long projects that seem too daunting to start, I get it. Everyone is like that, especially those of us with ADD. But, sometimes, the inertia of not doing anything makes so little sense, I can’t help but wonder if I’m missing something. It’s not like I’m distracted. I’m literally not doing anything to get distracted FROM!
I mean, seriously. My to-do list does have some work tasks on it. There is one project that needs to get started that I just haven’t gotten going on, and yes some of my websites STILL need to be made mobile friendly so Google stops yelling at me about it and lowering my rankings. I have some articles that are due out to clients.
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But, there are plenty of other totally doable, potentially interesting things on that same to do list that I can’t seem to begin either.
- I need to look at some cookbooks and pick out a recipe or two so I have something other than pasta and bean burritos ready for this weekend. (This fun)
- I need to return the Nexus 5x phone with the cracked screen before they charge me for it, since I’ve had the replacement almost two weeks now. (This will cost me money)
- I need to vacuum up some of this cat litter that gets tracked around. (This is gross to step on)
- I need to pick a place for our four day weekend vacation later this month. (This is fun)
- I need to find out what is in this pile of “important papers” that is in the way on my desk. (This lame, but it is bother me)
- I need to meditate. (Meh)
- I need to… crap I forgot.
I have some fun tasks, some interesting, and all with the all important external motivation factor, but… nada.
Heck, it took me 20 minutes to finally stand up and go upstairs to get some coffee.
Is that inability to get started related to apathy, and therefore perhaps a touch of depression? Is not begin able to start on ANYTHING at all some sort of ADHD trait where the “pleasure” of screwing around doing meaningless but endlessly switchable tasks? Or, is there something else entirely? (I really want this to be the answer, but…)
So, right before I came here, I googled “depression and motivation” as if there will be some brilliant words on a website somewhere that will make everything better. I can see it now, “Tip #7 – Stare into the sun for 30 seconds, spin around 7 times, and drink some lemonade, and your mind will be ready to get started.”
Man, that would be awesome.
Instead, I’ll hit publish and then try and make myself do something. If that doesn’t work, I’ll read some of those articles. I’ll let you know if I find the secret to motivation and turning yourself into a Type A personality on demand.