You Might Have ADHD If…

Jeff Foxworthy has long done a stand-up comedy bit where he goes through a list of things that, if true about you, might make you a redneck. My personal favorite is, “If your mother does not take the Marlboro out of her lips before telling the state trooper that he can kiss her ass… you might be a redneck.”

My dad’s, who grew up on a farm, favorite is “If you have ever unloaded a pickup truck by driving backwards really fast and slamming on the breaks… you might be a redneck.” After all, my dad says, “That that is the fastest way to unload a pickup truck.”

I’ve often thought of doing a set of these for ADHD.

I went to the store this morning. I did not forget the groceries in the back of the car (Score!), but I did have to go to the bathroom as soon as I got them all into the house. After finishing my restroom business, I went about my day, only to come back a half an hour later to be surprised that all the groceries were still on the counter.

Without further ado, here is my ADHD joke list.

You Might Have ADD / ADHD If…

• If you have ever forgotten the rest of your tweet before you could type it…you might have ADHD.
• If you have ever gone to get the mail and fixed the sprinklers instead…you might have ADHD.
• If you’ve ever been to the fridge to get something you just bought at the store and been unable to find it, because it was still on the counter… you might have ADD.
• If you remember that you haven’t eaten lunch yet… at dinnertime… you might have ADD.
• If you have ever called someone that you already had on hold… you might have ADHD.
• If you have ever checked the blind spot, but then couldn’t remember if you did or did not see a car there… you might have ADD.
• If you have ever looked down at your grocery cart praying to see all your stuff in shopping bags because you suddenly couldn’t remember if you had checked out yet… you might have ADD.
• If you’ve ever been to the grocery store and then left all the groceries in the back of the car when you got home… you might have ADHD.
• If you have ever answered your own question because you thought of the answer right after asking… you might have ADD.
• If you have ever gotten stuff out of the pantry to make for dinner, only to find out that something is already cooking on the stove… you might have ADD.
• If you have ever searched the house for your cell phone, while talking on it… you might have ADHD.
• If you have ever searched your pants for your keys, found them, and then tried to open the door without taking them out… you might have ADD.
• If you forgot what you were going to tweet, while pulling out your phone… you might have ADD.
• If you check your watch but can’t remember what time it said… you might have ADHD.
• If you have to look up at the number box on the check to remember what you write on the line… you might have ADD.
• If you have ever sent a follow up email, only to find the original, unsent, email still open on your computer… you might have ADD.
• If you have ever gotten up to pee, and then had to go twice as bad ten minutes later because you came back with a cup of coffee instead… you might have ADD.
• If you have ever been startled by a wall or other inanimate object because you were thinking about something else… you might have ADHD.
• If you’ve ever gotten up to get the space heater from the basement and put in a load of laundry instead… you might have ADD.
• If you’ve ever installed a cool extension or app only to be baffled later that it is on your computer… you might have ADHD.
• If you’ve ever had thoughts about what needs to happen next while you are entering a complex password resulting it epic failure… you might have ADHD.
• If you forgot the clever ending to your “You Might Have ADD If…” post… you might have an ADD blog 🙂

I should have a bunch more, but unfortunately, I often forget them before I can compile any sort of list. I figured that if I started chronicling them here as I came up with them, then I might get my list of funny ADHD traits together faster. Ironically, I had a really great one yesterday that is currently playing hide and seek with my mind. I’m sure it will come to me, again, when I’m somewhere that remembering it will be totally useless to me, like in the shower, or in the car, or while giving a presentation.